Family Relationships That Help Balance Life
Series: Relationships That Rock
INTRO: Last week I started a series I call, "Relationships that Rock." We can have good relationships if we put the effort into them. Relationships with God, family, friends and our business contacts are important. They can be great. We must put forth the effort.
Before I get into the message, let me share some statistics from Barna.org about how people view relationships.
March 17, 2008
(Ventura, CA) Americans have a global reputation for being religious people, but a new study from The Barna Group indicates that people’s most important personal relationship is not with God. Family surpassed their Heavenly Father as the key personal connection. However, when asked to identify the most important group or network in their life, colleagues from their church topped the list, mentioned by three out of every ten adults.
Most Important Relationship
Adults are clearly most focused on their family in terms of important relationships. Overall, seven out of ten adults mentioned family or family members as their most significant connection. One-third said their entire nuclear family is tops, while one-quarter (22%) named their spouse and one-sixth (17%) identified their children. (An additional 3% mentioned their parents as their key relationship.)
We can see that for many people, family relationships are important. Why is our family so important? Why do we claim them as our most important over other things in life?
Today, I do not have all the answers or the time to get into every aspect of family life. I cannot give you a magical cure-all for all the ills that affect our marriage. I do, however have some things that will help. I have some things that will bring some balance to our lives.
One thing that is always mentioned that improves any relationship is…
Communication
Often when a marriage is on the rocks, meaningful communication is nil
When a basketball coach struggles to communicate, his team struggles
We can see how important communication is, but often we come up short
Another item that jumps out at us in relationships is honor or respect. It is so important in life for people to feel like they are respected. Even God’s commandments show this forth, "Honor thy father and mother." I know respect works both ways, but often some that call for respect do not give respect.
Honor brings honor.
God’s Word bears this out:
Proverbs 23:22 Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.
1 Timothy 5:1-2 Rebuke not an elder, but entreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; {2} The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.
What I want to do today, more than just a list to follow is look at how different ideas and approaches can help our relationships
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. {2} Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; {3} That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. {4} And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
First, I want to look at our need to have both gentleness and strength
Gentleness
Children are fragile beings (not just physically)
We can maim their spirit if we are not careful – God’s Word warns us…
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Another needed aspect in family relationships is…
Strength
Our families need strength in our lives
Strength of righteousness in our lives
Strength of rightness in our lives
Strength of God in our lives
Strength of determination and effort
Strength of character for them to see and model
Strength loves brings to our lives
While I am not an expert at horses, I do know there are two ways of thought when it comes to "breaking" them…
One is brute strength
Capture them
Force the bit in their mouths
Slap the saddle on them
Jump on board and ride it out
It has worked for generations
It works (usually), but there is a better way
Another way is gentle them
Nurture them
Care for them
Spend time with them
Gain their trust
Partner with them
Isn’t that what being family is about?
Partnering together for each other’s benefit?
This works even better.
There is a time for strength, but also a need for gentleness
Another two items that help balance our lives and are similar to this…
Hardworking and playful
I think men can get so tied up in life earning a living – they should – that they never take time our to have fun with their family. Men (and I suppose, women too) can be guilty of giving their family all the niceties in life (possessions) but leave out the things their family desires most – them (and their time).
Hardworking
Providing for our families is very biblical
1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
Romans 12:17b … Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
Teaching by example the benefits of honest labor is commendable
But we also need the balance of…
Playfulness
Kids (and our family) need daily interaction that is fun
Non-threatening - a time of winning and losing (both are ok)
Enjoyable
Stress relieving
Bond forming
Etc.
We do not have to be the constant oak tree that is never bending. Maybe we need to be more like the palm trees that are able to bear the brunt of hurricanes. (storms of life)
Another pair of balance acts we need are…
Teaching and learning or teachers and students
As much as we need and want to teach our children the things of life, we mus t also become students ourselves.
Teaching
Life’s lessons
Life’s skills
God’s guidance
God’s Word
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Oh we hear this verse quoted so often.
But how can we teach others when we do not learn ourselves?
So, we must first be a…
Student
Of ourselves
Of life’s lessons
Of our children and their needs
Of others and their needs
Of God and His ways
Deuteronomy 4:9 Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons;
Deuteronomy 11:18-19 Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. {19} And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
Now when we hear or read this it means so much more…
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
I will not spend much time with it, but only mention it – time is short today.
We need teamwork and individuality
Families need to be able to work together to help each other and accomplish much.
Individuals need to be able to stand strong and alone, knowing they have the support of their family and get things done.
Quickly, I want to mention some things that do not bring the kind of balance we need in our lives…
Spirituality and ungodliness – teaches hypocrisy
Love and hatred – hatred overshadows love
Encouragement and discouragement – causes a don’t care attitude
Truth and lies – teaches dishonesty
Greed and giving – causes dissatisfaction with our situations – 1 Tim 6:10
Wisdom and foolishness – brings skepticism of all our teaching
Honor and dishonor – encourages disdain for others
If you find yourself doing both parts of these, you need to make a change of course. God can help you with this. Call upon Him and let Him bring you what you need in your life.
Gary Marcum – New Beginnings Church – 033008am